When you’re in a dark place, light is uncomfortable. It hurts your eyes. Even though I was miserable, I was content in that dark place. I just wanted to stay there, and I stayed there for about three and a half years.

CCM: Out Of The Dark begins on a triumphant note with “I’m Still Here.” How did you get from where you were to where you are now?
The album actually starts out with something called “Voicemail (Intro),” and that is a snapshot of some of the messages I received from my loved ones who were calling me. A few of them were even banging on my front door at one point in time.

Probably the biggest thing that helped lift me out of the dark were loved ones who loved me just as I was—but loved me too much to leave me there. They were concerned for me, and they really had every reason to. I would not be here today if I had not gotten off of that really dangerous path.

Mandisa, CCM Magazine - image

I ignored everybody. Like I said, I didn’t want anything to do with anyone who was walking in the light. I didn’t answer a text. I didn’t answer phone calls. I put in earplugs and shut out the world. I started hearing that little lying voice in my head, telling me that God didn’t want me to live in such pain, and so if I just take my life, I can be in heaven with Jesus—right now.


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