Seventh Day Slumber, CCM Magazine - image

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For the past four years I felt like I was never getting fed. I didn’t even want to talk to my pastor about how I was feeling. It was just this weird thing, because I couldn’t even pinpoint what I was sad or feeling empty about. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I woke up one day, looked around at my wife, our kids, our home, and thought, “Man, I’m so blessed, why do I still feel this empty? How am I still here?” It’s hard for me to share this, but I have to admit that during this time, I have been running to food. I’ve put on over one-hundred pounds in the past four years.

Then, something I seemingly overlooked for years—a quote that I used to always put at the bottom of my email signature—stopped me in my tracks and became very real to me again: “We will always be restless until we find out rest in Him.” It hit me that I’ve distanced myself from God. It doesn’t matter what you have, how beautiful and amazing your wife and kids may be, or your home—if you distance yourself from God, you won’t be able to enjoy it anyway.

I finally came to this place where I just said, “God, I need that closeness with You again.” God spoke to my heart and said, “I never left. You thought you were lost, but you never were. I had my eye on you the whole time.” That’s what “Found” means to me. It’s not just about my drug addiction and being delivered from that, but also about the tough times as a Christian where I took my eyes off of God.

CCM: We recently talked with Mandisa about the season she is coming through, one in which she admitted similar struggles with food and losing sight of the Father, etc., but then leaning on the support system of her friends that truly love her through Christ to help her out of it. How has the support system of your family spoken to you as you’ve been emerging from this recent season?
What really hit me was when my middle son said, “Daddy, I miss you.” What’s crazy about that is that he’s with us all of the time. I didn’t even know it, but all of this looking away from God and running made me different to my family, too. I think about that moment, and it helps me to continue on and be strong.

As far as support, these guys have been awesome, everyone from Josh to Jeremy (who’s also my brother-in-law), on down to our road crew. Laurie has never made me feel fat. She never stops grabbing my arm when she walks with me. She still kisses me before she leaves, or when she returns. She’s just been a huge support. My kids have always been an encouragement to me.

[Looking at the taco salad on his plate] You know, I want to eat this whole thing [laughs]. I won’t, but if I did, for right now, that’s okay. Jeremy and I were talking about this the other day… This is what I look like right now. I can’t change it today, but every day I can get a little thinner, a little healthier. This is where I’m at right now. I’m in love with Jesus. I’m working on this, and He’s working on me. Accept me or don’t, but I know that God has His hand on my healing, this new chapter in our lives.

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