Ryan Stevenson – “Holding Nothing Back”
Story Behind The Song
“Holding Nothing Back” was birthed during a season of extreme personal heartache and uncertainty. On the heels of the death of my mother from bone cancer; the miscarriage of our twins; the division of our home church; and a series of setbacks in my music career—in the midst of this fiery storm—I found myself very disillusioned with God, shaking my fist at Him in anger. I remember questioning if He really actually loves me, and if He’s actually good. I was at a point where I was yelling at him saying, “I don’t trust You!”
During this time, I felt the “still, small voice” of the Lord. He began to ask me, “If you were to lose everything, would I still be enough for you as your God, as your Savior?” I was extremely convicted and began to weep, knowing I had put my hope and security in things and people rather than in Jesus. I immediately began to pray with a broken, repugnant heart, literally saying the words, “Jesus, I don’t want anything coming in between You and me; It doesn’t mater what I have to go through, I’m holding nothing back from You.”
I’ve come to understand that I can be transparent and vulnerable before the Lord. I can tell Him how I feel. I can scream and cry out in agony, because I know He can handle it. He knows how I feel and He’s never surprised by the trials I’m facing. He’s never shocked by my failures and mistakes. His ways are always higher than mine, and He’s using those circumstances to bring me into the mainstream of His purposes for my life.
My prayer is that this song encourages people to live vulnerably, to share their testimony. It’s our testimony that ministers to others who are struggling in their seasons of heartache and uncertainty. I hope that we are all encouraged daily to not hold anything back from God, but rather to come boldly to Him with confidence and pour out our hearts. He delights in our willingness to acknowledge the brokenness in our lives.
When we are weak, He is strong. He always uses the broken to do the miraculous. He uses the things that seem foolish to blow the minds of wise people.