Hiding, if only for a season, is acceptable when we’re grieving. But hiding can become a habit, a way of life that robs us of healing relationships and a returning sense of normalcy.

Some people have the opposite problem—especially those who’ve been nursing a loved one through a long illness. Suddenly freed from patient care, they feel a little embarrassed by their sense of relief. They’re ready to talk about their loved ones and their grief and experience. They’re comforted by the presence of others and sharing their memories.

We were blessed during Hope’s life with people to talk to—including those who brought us meals. They were often surprised when we’d invite them to bring enough food to have dinner with us.

We had incredibly precious visits during those days. Meaningless conversations were rare. Instead, we talked about life and death and prayer and faith and eternity. It was a rich time, and we enjoyed engaging with people who cared.

Going through grief gives us a unique opportunity to bond with those we may barely have known before, if they dare to draw close to us in our pain. Conversations that go below the surface can become the foundation for new and deeper friendships that give us strength in the midst of sorrow.

The loss of someone we love reveals our very real vulnerability to sorrow and pain. At some point or another, most of us surrender to our weakness—and it can be very uncomfortable.

We may always have been in control, on top of things; now everything in our lives seems chaotic. The house is a mess, nobody has washed the clothes or paid the bills, and we can’t seem to concentrate or carry on a reasonable conversation.

Grief reduces us to—or reveals to us—our neediness and weakness. Some of us have to learn how to receive help from others when we’ve always been self-sufficient. Others of us discover through the process of grief our own physical, emotional, and spiritual weakness that can no longer be covered up.

While this discovery can be unsettling, it’s when we are weak that we are prepared to enter into God’s strength. Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in Spirit” (Matthew 5:3). In other words, our weakness positions us as nothing else does to experience joy in God and connectedness with Him.

Some of us also discover in the midst of grief a strength we didn’t know was there—in character, in mind and will, in commitment, in endurance, in faith. We have the opportunity to put God’s strength on display through our weakness as He provides what we need in the midst of heartache and difficulty.

There are surely no simple answers to the question, “How are you?” when you’re grieving. We can be sad but not devoid of joy and laughter, wanting to hide but willing to engage, weak in body and mind but strong in spirit.